"Women who fear being alone are most likely to date wrong people."
- Norah Marler
- Norah Marler
Ok, this is probably going to be hard for me to write about this book. But it's a well thought decision to write about the things I'm taking from this book and to include a little bit of my personal life in this post. Only because I want to share the knowledge I gained from this book to you.
So, guys "No More Dating Pigs" by Norah Marler is a self help book and it gives us the knowledge of wise dating and points out the tendencies to date wrong people and gives solutions to stop that viscous circle of dating "pigs".
I haven't dated in my life. Yet I was in relationships. Yes, it probably sounds weird but guys committed even before spending quality time to know eachother well. It's not we didn't know eachother but to be in a "forever" kind of relationship you need to understand eachother and most importantly you need to understand yourself. In my case none of these happend before.
As a kid we probably heard "don't fall in love" or "love is a waste of time" from our parents and teachers. They wanted us not to get hurt, they wanted us to focus in studies... understandable. But instead they could have educated us to understand what love and relationships actually mean. Unfortunately no one actually told me anything about love or relationships and as I always got the guy I liked, I never actually gave much thought on these matters. After reading this book now I have realised that I wasn't ready for relationships. Real love and relationships requires clarity , patience, a deeper level of understanding and hard work. Plus I wasn't happy with what I was doing career wise. I was kindda clueless , messed up person, so attracted similar souls.
Action Reflect :
Never ever have a relationship thinking that it will make you happy, spice up your life. Be happy first, then look for a companion. You are responsible for your own happiness or sadness. Don't think relationship is a mood lifter. That will only end in disaster. I'm telling you this because I have done this mistake in my little life. I was unhappy because I was not following my dreams. I was just not happy with myself, but I'm a person who loves to be cheerful and happy. Instead of working hard for my passion and dream , I tried to get happiness from a relationship. I also lacked the strength to be alone. People generally feel sad not because of they don't have a boyfriend or partner but because they fear loneliness. Never ever make the relationship your only hope and source of happiness. Because relationship is not a "happiness" mill. So, what is a great relationship!?!
The key to a great relationship is 'You'! Yes it's that simple. Let love come when you are ready. Respecting and loving yourself is very important for you. Loving yourself doesn't mean going shopping or splurging on beauty products. Loving one's self means giving one's self time to reflect and learn, to gain knowledge to understand what should be done, to hear the inner voice and to do accordingly. Loving one's self includes doing the things which you always wanted to do, understanding that if there is no respect for you then that relationship or place is not worth investing time or emotions. Just let it go. Loving one's self means giving one's self time and love to grow.
Back to the Book:
I lacked clarity about what I really wanted from a relationship. More than that I had no clue about what I was going to bring to the relationship. "No More Dating Pigs" is so relatable because it helps you to figure out the things that matter the most. This book says , " Relationships take two people to fail and two to succeed. By working on yourself, you are actually creating a strong half of your next relationship. The Truely good relationships survive because both parts have found contentment. But you must find the contentment on your own. The relationship comes later. "
We all want to build a house which can't be blown down. The authors wrote that to create a sound foundation you need to focus on these things-
● Knowledge : Seeking new information and facts, you have a better understanding of love, what it is and how to find it.
● Preparation : Take the time to prepare for love so you will be ready for it.
● Acceptance : Accept what is real.
● Courage : Face love even with all difficulties and uncertainties that come with it.
● Realism : Nurture a practical understanding of what love actually is rather than the romantic view of it.
● Patience : Endure the wait for true love to come.
● Humanity : Demonstrate compassion and acceptance when considering behavior typical of human beings.
● Willingness : Be ready, willing and able to love with Enthusiasm!
Oh god, this post is getting too long. Before wrapping it up I just want to give a little advice : take time, know eachother, be best of friends then the commitments should come. Don't jump into a relationship. It is so much better and pleasant to live with your best friend for forever. And it is also the hardest to hurt your best friend. So you don't hurt that person instead.
I hope you got something useful from this post. At least you thought something. Please let me know in the comments below. And if you want to read "No More Dating Pigs" then I think you will find it in any major book store or online shopping site.
Thanks for having so much patience to read the whole post. Cheers! :D
♥♥♥ love as always ♥♥♥
P.s : personally I don't like the word 'pig'. The author explains why she's calling certain men "pigs". But here in this post I'm not calling anyone anything. We are all human beings with flaws . Peace :)